12 Out of 120? (Part 1)The misery of Mechies

Hello Friends! Touter Tom Here! I’m back to my sarcastic ways [B-)]. My last post on IT guys was quite a hit created quite some wild controversies. This in fact encourages me to venture into newer hunting grounds. Helping me in this post will be Dahara Dick and Anvil Screwwalla (Freelance Guptchar, Mech Dept). Before I start off, I‘d like to convey a message to one and all. 

“NEITHER ANY BRANCH OR SOCIETY IS BEING SPECIALLY TARGETTED

NOR ANY OF THEM WILL BE SPARED !”

I would like to echo want my fellow friend Sally said in her interview yesterday…“DIL PE MAT LE YAAR!” Now let’s zero in on our today’s bakra. There were quite a few requests asking for a post on mechanical people. Friends, we cannot afford to miss out on you guys. One thing worth mentioning here is, MECH people have been the most sporting of the lot. Let’s see if that fact changes after this post!

The Mechies pride themselves on calling themselves a ‘Royal Branch’. This is quite confusing. I mean, they don’t have the building which has any qualities of a palace

• All the toilet rooms smells of horse pee.

• They don’t have a big enough porch to do khatti. (Well they have a big enough lawn, but it is mostly used as a lovers’ park!)

• The water coolers don’t work most of the time.

Though we have to admit that the auditorium is an awesome place to have classes at. I mean we can sleep at the last bench undetected by even the strictest of teachers. Anyway one more thing that makes life miserable at mechanical is…

“12 out of 120! YOUR SEX RATIO ROCKS! ”

Out of the 12 most are already committed to guys of other branches. Mechanical Engineering had done kanyadaan to CS three times. Poor Mech. boys are left with only a balcony and a veranda, which they utilize to the fullest. Tell me honestly girls, How many of you are wary of passing close to their buildings due to the comments passed on by these unfortunate boys who are wrongly deprived of a fundamental right of jawani?! Sally is one of them for the record (Just Kiddin’)! Yeah, one thing in which they are absolutely unbeatable in is their maturity (PUN ABSOLUTELY INTENDED [;)]). BTW, it’s not their fault. After all they follow UGC principle that is screened every morning on DOORDARSHAN which says…

“Padhne Likhneki Koi Umar Nahi Hoti”

But frankly friends, I sympathize with these fellows. I mean they are made scapegoats in every other occasion.

• IT and ETC guys fought. But the Mechies had to visit the famed DisCO!

• CSE, IT, ETC guys get away with projects downloading pirated versions of the software from the internet, at no or very minimal cost, but (grapevine has it that) the Mechies guys spend close to Rs.40000 on one project. Now this is ‘SARASAR NA-INSAAFI’.

• They gave shelter to the IT people in the Freshers’ week but ended up locked inside Mayfair for not paying the bills. Inside reports state that the Mechies has stated a breakage amount of Rs. 15000

One will never be able to find sections as diff as ME1 and ME2. They are poles apart. In ME2; teachers struggle to get a class in…In ME1; teachers get bored seeing the same old faces every day, asking ridiculously silly doubts. One more problem in mechanical is mass participation. Here are a few examples…

• Mass bunks translates into at least 5 nerds doing the class.
• Group photo for Blazer day means 5-6 whackoes jumping around a car in blazers.
• Branch picnic means 5-6 people going to some dumb place in a car.

Now some achievements of the Mechies.

• Leaders in the mass bunk industry. They are the pioneers of keeping this tradition alive.

• The undisputed gurus in initiating strikes, without which our college will seem so dull.

• The Legend of the ‘PUNCH’ will be remembered for ages to come.

• Highest attendance in the Famed DisCo.

Wait for the next post in which I am going to expose quite a few famous or rather infamous personalities…Till den enjoy da blog…Keep your comments pouring in !

Signing Off…

Touter Tom (Senior Khabri)

With inputs from

Dahara Dick (Senior Khabri)

& Anvil Screwwalla (Freelance Guptchar, Mech Dept)

COMING SOON: ROYAL BASHING: 12 OUT OF 120. WTF? Part 2 (Personal Attacks included)

 

The Tribes of CVRCE

The SEXONS (sections) of CVRCE…

Hi all the dumbasses. This is my debut post and feel like peeing in front of The White House while writing this blog because both are a matter of great Pride ! So being the Senior Guptachar let me first give you an inside analysis of all the sexons sections of our batch. We will go alphabetically or else AEI people will again say that we have been neglected.

• 
  
  AEI (The Rumor-mongers or Pawanaas) - If you are a victim of useless rum ours in CVRCE then you must curse this tribe. They are lead by D.'I never fart’ Rao and Miss ‘Dance India Dance’ Ranjeeta. These people are one of the most civilized tribe of CVRCE ; After all they went for a strike because of No Lab ! Get a life man ! Who complains about it except these "We are so geek" people? This class has a considerable number of people who come to college in the morning and end up standing in the queue for movie tickets. They change their CR in every now and then; Much faster than the change of Pakistani captains !
  
  
• 
  
  Chemical (The Unknowns) - We don't know much about these people. How they look? Or where they stay? Etc.No one is interested in them as they don't have hot girls unlike other sections. The story of evolution of this tribe is when Raj Thackeray attacked north Indian students in Mumbai they flew to their land but in the midway appeared KRK and rescued them with his Deshdrohi act and sent them here to CVRCE. I think these Chemies have invented some invisible mask and they wear it every time. I just know one guy from Chemical named Kishaan (added an extra ‘K’ because of his involvement with "Gay", I mean "K" section people). But the tragedy is that he never admits that he belongs to chemical.
  
  
• 
  
  Computer Science-1 (The valley of Frustus) - When you see these people they look so frustrated because they did not score enough to get ETC and some of them are still in coma. They have some legendary Casanovas (duh!) like Altaf Raja Bankiya and 40 years old Virgin Sahoo. Then there is also a Band which is more interested in growing mafia size rather than making music or increasing their fan base. They have so much frustus in CS1 that even a guy gives treat after getting a testimonial from Brazil. Some run a group called GMS to increase there network business following. And a guy named Binay Kumar Jhadoo does piercing after getting dumped by a Mechi-Toki.
  
  
• 
  
  Computer Science-2 (The Angels & Demons) - This class is full of Angels ( I mean witches ) led by CS2 Sherni and the best part is that they have a plenty of them too. Even one is imported from China itself and one even is half-mental. The class is divided into two groups the ruling party called as 'We want a mass bunk' and there is the minority opposition party named 'We should have been informed about mass bunk earlier'. These people have not attended a single lab in 7th semester, The real demons for teachers. The strangest thing about this class is the rate in which people faint here lead by Bangali Behosh, the CR followed by Chutki Mahapatra, China Bomb and Tomboy Satpathy. I must tell you about the Don of CS, the ever charming and furious Maka who lights a cigarette from its filter.
  
  
• 
  
  Electrical (The Inglorious Infighters) - These people can easily give BJP a run for there money as far as infighting is concerned. And the worst thing is that they even have infighting for being the topper. WTF ?! This section consists of bunch of Bihari chachas and Odiya saahi lafangas. They are so charged of that even a mediocre goonda like Nanda Prusty is starting to rain blows on people thrice his size. Most of the people including chicks here are niggers and they can easily scare the hell out of Lara or Obama. They have the most famous the queen of english Miss ‘Shut Yr 'A' Up’ Tripathy and Mr. Dhoti Shaker Padhy, our very own dual meaning poet. I must not criticize much else Knee30 will send PCR to my home also !
  
  

To be continued...............

Ladkibaaz Larry

(Guptchar-in-Chief)

Bunk-Masters III : The Monginis Monsters

Welocme to yet another segment of our special report on ‘Bunk-Masters of CVRCE’. Today we are going to discuss about the feared ‘Monginis Monsters’. The wild and dangerous creatures belong to the Mechanical Branch. Their natural habitat has been the Monginis Eatery for quite a long time. A bit of research reveals that they have been driven out of their original habitat (Mechanical Building) by educational predators (Teachers). These creatures are also known to have severe allergy to ‘Classrooms’.

Disclaimer: This post is a work of fiction. All the characters in this post, living or dead are fictious. Any resemblance to any real life character is purely co-incidental. But if somehow the people on whom this post is targeted on manage to figure out the sarcasm, they are requested to take this in a sporting spirit. A little fun doesn’t hurt anyone . Does it !?

The Members…

• Small 92.7 FM
• Oversized Bhaaloo/Kau
• Confused Bong
• PJ Man
• DisCo Kid
• Jha Dumper
• Table Fan

After days of wandering in the barren wastelands (College Bus Stand), The Savanna Grasslands (Mechanical Lawns), they have finally settled down in the Polar Ice-caps (Monginis) permanently. they can be seen enjoying the cool AC, enjoying the aroma of stale food and sometimes gulping down bottles of soft drinks normally snatched away from weaker nearby creatures.

This group consists of people of all shapes and sizes. It baffles even highly qualified scientists about the mind-boggling diversity of the form factor of these creatures. They communicate with each other in irritatingly loud and incomprehensible voices. Small 92.7 FM is well known for her loud and tirelessly continuous orating skills despite being one of the smallest creatures in the college. Confused Bong is the bassist of the college band ‘Terrible-Noyze’. SO he is under the false impression that he can blast out high decibels of crap-talk from his unusually big mouth. Same is the case with Oversized Bhaaloo/Kau. Various wildlife observers are still in the loss of words whether to classify him into Bhaaloo, Kau or Homo-Sexual..Oops sorry.. Homo-Sapiens.

Other members of the group are Disco Kid, Jha-Dumper, PJ Man and Table Fan. Disco Kid is a celeb in CVRCE. This tall kid has various laurels in his kitty over the past year like punching the college registrar, attending the sacred ‘Disco’ (Disciplinary Committee), Bagging Jha-Dumper,etc. Experts recommends the general public to stay away from PJ-Man and Table Fan for their own safety. PJ Man hurls rotten PJs (Phaltu Jokes) at his unlucky victims. While Table Fan blows airs about himself all the time. Some of the common airs are “I have had 6 girlfriends at the same time”,”I coach the granddaughter of SRK”,”I played poker with Martians”,etc. And I’m not going to write anything about Jha-Dumper lest Disco Kid gives me one of his legendary punches. Phew. So goes the story about the ‘Mechanical Monginis Monsters’. Stay clear, Stay Safe. More to come next time.

Signing off…

Dahara Dick

(Senior Khabri)

The Bunk-Masters of CVRCE !

Anyone read ‘Secret Seven’? ‘Famous Five’? ‘Fantastic Four’? No…? No one? Damn, I knew it! none of you ‘Geeks’ ever read anything other than academics. And non of you ‘Non-Geeks’ read anything at all! Well I’m dedicating this post to the people whom I’ll fondly (read ‘Devilishly’!) call as the ‘Bunk-masters’. Yeah that’s a pretty lame nomenclature. But did I wish their names to be cool or something! Ok..As I promised in one of my earlier posts that I wont be revealing the real names of my victims to protect their identities (duh!). But I will be using a series of more than obvious Code Names which even a kid can crack (Geez! Doesn't that smell of superhero kinda stuff?! Codenames and all !)

• So,coming back to the topic. There are many ‘Bunk-Master’ Gangs in our college like the ‘Monginis Monsters’ from the Mechanical Branch who spend the maximum possible time enjoying the free A/C at the Monginis eatery!
• Then there are the ‘Canteen Campers’ from the Computer Science Branch who are probably under the impression that the classes take place in the canteen. They get down from the bus, spend the whole day in the canteen, then go back home.
• Hey ! How can I forget the ‘AEI AutoSquad’ ! Yeah. The strange people from AEI branch always come to the college in the Bus and leave within 15 minutes by Autorickshaws ! Probably off to catch some stupid flick at S-Complex or even going window shopping at Forum Mart if the tickets aren’t available. It beats me that why the hell do they bother coming 20 kilometers to college if they have to leave within 10-15 minutes anyway? Hats off to you Autosquad!
• Same was the case with the ‘IT PhotoSquad’ a few months back. The only difference here is that these species can be seen sprawling all over the college lawns, trees, rocks, et al posing for group photographs. Till today these guys pollute Orkut and Facebook with numerous photo uploads. But strangely they are spotted toiling their asses off studying hard of late…It scares the shit outta me that they even did extra classes for the PPT!
• Hmm…Well there’s nothing much to say about the guys from the Electrical Branch. Though they are far behind the bunking standards set by the ‘Mechanical Monginis Monsters’ and the ‘CS Canteen Campers’ they still are catching up with the ‘AEI AutoSquad’ and ‘IT PhotoSquad’ in terms of Paagalpan under the able leadership of Mr. Dhoti-Shaker Padhy !
• There are a few more assorted groups like the ‘Canteen Commandoes’ which can give the ‘CS Canteen Campers’ a run for their money any day and the ‘Gay Section Guys’…Oops sorry…’The K Section Guys’ who can be spotted either in the Bike Stand or the So called Fast Food shop at the back gate. I’m going to elaborated about these groups some day later.

You must have noticed that I have missed out the names of any of the ‘Bunk-Master Gangs’ from the ETC and the Chemical branches. Well. Are you kidding? Have you ever seen anyone from ETC bunking the classes ?(Well…apart from the couple of ETC outcasts from the ‘Canteen Commandoes Gang’). These guys would stand near the door and take notes even if they are driven out from their classes by their psychotic lecturers ! And have you seen anyone from the Chemical Branch at all ?! Honestly guys it took me one year to notice that our college has a branch called chemical engineering. Well…That says the story!

Well I’m signing off with a toast to these ‘Bunk-Masters’ gangs who keep the noble art of bunking alive in our college. Cheerz!

Signing off…

Dahara Dick

(Senior Khabri)