The Dude Veda: Releasing Tonight on The International Dude Day

Finally we are just One Day away from the "LEGEN…wait for it…DARY" D-Day or Dude Day. If the Chicks can have a 'Women’s Day’ then why cant we have a Dude’s day ! The 10/10/10. Yesterday has been special, all thanks to "Akash Dash".  This “Real Guy” (That’s what he calls himself) had tried to light a fire within Core & Non-Core branch students this morning. The Diary is deeply pissed & wants people like this to be evicted for trying to make unprecedented & baseless remarks. I know these things are not funny but you may get a few laughs when you read the comments made by so called “Akash Dash”. So let’s screw these people & let’s continue with our Dude-tainment. Like all Potential Bestsellers we too released "Dude Veda" first in the Critics’ Circuit before bringing it down here. So here are a few exclusive reviews of the sacred "Dude Veda".

 

·         “The Literature-Nobel and Man Booker Prize are passé. We should give a Larry Prize for literary recognition.” - Alfred Nobel

·         “Finally, A book worth reading.” - God 

·         "Out of this world."- Alien (A Dude from another Planet). 

·         "Makes me feel alive again."- Michael Jackson

·         "The only thing i can’t rip off."- Some Indian author.

·         “I'm so proud of you Larry.” - Barney Stinson

·         “I won't write anymore. Now I have realised that all I write is crap as compared to Mr. Larry.” - Chetan Bhagat 

·         Woof! Bhow-wow. Growl. Woof Woof ! - Scooby Doo 

·         "All my life i have written trash, this is the real deal."- J.K. Rowling 

·         “I hope Larry had written my story instead of Rowling Aunty” – Harry Potter

·         “The text of Dudish Redemption" - Pope Benedict the XVI

·         “Al-Habibi, Al-Khalija ilahi bin Khartoum al Dude” – Osama bin Laden

·         “Gangtok Rocks ! CVRCE Diary Sucks.” - Akash Dash 

·         “My true successor. Larry is a real Dude"- Vijay Mallya 

·         “Uff...Not Fair. L” - Sneha Agarwal 

·         “This is Sick.” – Secret Agent Sally (An Evil Chick)

·         “The Dude Veda changed my life. It turned me from DevDas to DudeDas. ”<Shows the Middle Finger to Paro> - A Transformed DudeDas.

·         "Humey Larry de do, Hum Kashmir bhool jayenge." - Mussaraff 

·         “The most touching book I have ever read. Larry manages to explore the deepest psyche of the Dude Emotions and pull the toughest of heart-strings. I cried when the book was over”. - Mike Tyson

·         “You know. This book...you know....is soooo...you know...disgusting.” - Karan Johar (A Chick in the body of a Dude)

·         “I wish The Dude Veda was released earlier. Else I wouldn’t have spent all my four years of engineering life with Boylested. ” – Gurbinder (ETC Smartass)

 

So, Log on to CVRCE Diary Tonight at 9 PM for the Release of THE DUDE VEDA !

Fall of the DevDas and Rise of the DudeDas. [Dude Week Day 5]

Babuji ne kahaa gaon chhod do,
sabne kahaa paro ko chhod do,
paro ne kahaa sharaab chhod do,
aaj tumne kah dia, haweli chhod do,
ek din aayega jab wo kahenge, duniya hi chhod do"

What type of a sick frustrated a-hole says these kind of a stuff that too only because of some chick did not marry him. May be only People like Akash Dash can answer it. Devdas still remains the idol of nudes of our country. Remember folks every girl (synonyms: Satan,Devil) wants us the Dudes to become Devdas for her. This is her soul objective. Even they have an undercover competition of "Paro-ness" going among them. Now the table must turn & we should start the tradition of "Devi D" & "DEVIDAS". So from now on let’s bring a revolution & convert all "DEVDAS" to "DUDE DAS".  Ladkibaaz Larry along with Mental Baba will suggest you ways to how to stop becoming miserable after breakups and start becoming awesome.

 

 

1.       A Dude is always allowed to or welcome to Drink & indulge in booze fest. But this booze-fest is not to be confused with 'Devdas'ish booze fests. It should be more like Siddharth Mallya Booze-Fests.

2.       Update your Facebook Status to "Phew! Finally De-Bitchified!" and make all your friends like it. Make all yor friends comment as “Happy Independence Day”.

3.       Try your best to bag a hotter chick than her and upload cosy snaps with her in your FB account.

4.       Don’t return, burn or flush her gifts. Arrange a fake-auction of her gifts in front of her house or in her college & ask your friends to make fake-bids.

5.       Join CVRCE Diary. This is the only reason why Harry joined the blog.

6.       Practice shooting & get yourself a shotgun or try & fencing. You must post these things on your status update. That has to freak her out.

7.       No Chick remains a friend after break-up so forget friendship & indulge in war.
Strike through her signature from attendance shit OR tape the place where see puts her signature. So that she can’t sign anymore. Report abuse. 

8.       Get a Restraining Order (She will be jailed if she comes within 20 metres of you) against her from the local court. It costs only 300 bucks and you can get it easily too. Publish a copy of the same in the local newspaper. Then hang around her favourite hang outs, coffee shops, Khatti Places. Whenever she comes to that place, Take out a measuring tape and a Cell phone from your pocket!

9.       You shall under no circumstance watch movies like "Devdas","A Walk To Remember","Qayamat se Qayamat Tak" & also "500 days of summer" if you don’t get the word sarcasm. The suggested movies to watch post break-up. Kill Bill. High Fidelity. Saw. Bachna Ae Haseeno(first half only).

10.    Throw a Break-Up party with lots of booze & hot chicks. Money will not be a problem as the money-sucker is away. Upload the pics in your FB account.

11.    Crying in front of her roomies is so lame. Flirt with her & ask her out. Take her to a better restaurant than you took your ex to. Dont mention a single word about your ex if reffered tell "Who is She?" or "That name stinks" or "You live with that thing!"

12.    Do whatever but don't pee at her gate. You may however upload her pic in a matrimonial site along with her contact details.

13.    Publish her Obituary in all leading newspapers.

14.    Make posters of "To-Let" with her number,print multiple copies and paste on the walls in crowded places.  PS: You may replace "To-Let" with more creative and effective words. ;) You know what we are talking about! 

15.    Text  "I Love You. Kissie. Huggie. Muaaahhh.(Censored)" message to her Mom/Dad's cell. Wait for 5 minutes and text "Sorry Aunty, That message wasn't meant for you. Please forward it to your daughter. Hope you have SMS pack."

16.    Send her a highly detailed bill of all the dinners, lunches, gifts, kisses, roses, etc. Tell that you will take legal action if she doesn't pay up.

17.    Place a singles ad with your her phone number in newspapers and websites.

 

Dude Week Day 4 : Mental baba Meets Barney Stinson

Well folks this is not a suggestion box thread like Agony Aunty or Ask Preeto. This is Mental Baba. This is strictly based on the "Dude Veda" the authentic & original way for Dudes to trap girls. Though we know girls are evil but it is historically proven that man by his virtue has always flirted with the evil. So how much they suck we still need chicks to rock our world. But remember one thing Dudes never choose a chick. Coz they all are same ,but it is highly appreciable if a Dude can crack the uncrackables (as believed by Nudes). For Dudes no girl lives in this world who is both hot & uncrackable. This post will act as a small preview of what to expect from “The Dude Veda” Let the Dude prevail. Amen.

 

• Always pretend as if you don't know that chick's roommate. Always refer her roommate as "That Fashion Disaster" or Kangna Ranaut or You May say that chick who lives with you looks a bit older. Do it for the first few days. Then Follow the next step.
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• Hit on her Best Friend, Her Roomie, Her Lab Partner. Strategically ignore her. Nothing attracts her more But stay within limits. Other the plan will backfire and she would help her friend to bring both of you together.
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• If you are having difficulty to talk to her then follow this step. Bang her Scooty once with your 150 cc bike. Bang it hard so that she will get big injuries and their you got a chance to get into her heart.Give her Scooty to a low priced garage,pay for bandages,antiseptic,cotton,lollypops and their you got your girl with just spending few bucks.Money matters Dude,money matters sometimes.{Do this in some crowded places like Big Bazaar,Market building so that unknown crowd will praise your bravery.Don't do this in front of LH.Other girls will start comparing your biking skill with that of their boyfriends}
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• If you’re the adventurous kind,buy her something intimate.And by intimate,we don’t mean a tiny little teddy bear holding an I-Love-You signboard. Be a Dude.Time to buy her some Russian Vodka. Believe us, Sally once reported about a booze-fest at the room opposite of hers in the LH.
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• At theatre never look at her.Look at the screen straight and share your laugh and jokes with her friend sitting at your other side.Share popcorn with her.Bring her coffee with extra cream. And give light coffee to your chick and tell her that you care for her health.Carbs will fuck cholesterol .Talk nonsense. Chicks really love those things which their brain cant easily understand. But it may backfire if she asks the game over question. “Do I look fat?”
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• The Golden rule of trapping chick is the harder to crack the more fun it is.
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• There’s something cute about pulling a girls cheek, that readily makes her blush like a little tomato.Pulling a girl's cheek has a 99 per cent chance of making her blush. However, this ratio decreases severely if you follow it up by saying the words “You look Cute ! ”. That translates into “Wow, you’ve put on weight, fatty” in Chick Language. Now Dudish doesn't mean to act dumb.
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• In a restaurant pay the waiter more than 300 bucks as tips,ask about his children,give him extra 100 bucks so that he could feed his children and pay their tuition fees{give fake smiles}.Chicks will return smile which shows that she's impressed by your broad heart.But wait big NO. She's just impressed by the way you spend your bucks{if 500 bucks can be spent on waiter and 1000 can be on her}.There comes your turn to cross backfire.Take the bucks from the waiter when you will leave.{Do it backside}
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• If the girl hates when you don't call her as you said you will then promise her that you will call, then tell her a particular time in a day you will call. This will ensure that she waits for your call. Also promise her that you are going to say something special when you call. Then don't call her at all. Let her wait, time is gold when it comes to chick.
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• Contrary to popular opinion, chicks become happy even if you don’t compliment them. All you have to do is compliment their boyfriends.Tell her how lucky she is to have such a gentlemanly boyfriend. But don’t over do it, otherwise she’ll get jealous of you. *Sigh* Yeah,Chicks are weird like that and Dudes know how to maintain their overacting levels.
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• Save your friends from accidents frequently in front of her.Push them secretly to the middle of the road and drag them back when a car arrives.Do it very bravely in front of her.This will make you a real life superhero.Even Peter Parker was able to crack the hottest chick of his school.
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• Nudes (None Dudes. Guys with No Dudish Qualities) believe that giving special attention to a chick is gonna help them get the chick. But Dudes just have faith in the contrary. The more you ignore her the more worried she becomes about you. True story. Ignoring also means no commenting on her status too. But you may "poke back" her. Never put her proxies.
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• Use applications like "What your friend said about you" and answer questions about her frequently.This will keep her busy searching the answers but that's bad news for them that that applications needs to have answers of 100 questions first to get one answer about you.You can see that chicks desperation in other people walls :)
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• A Dude never flirts online with unknown girls. This area is where the Nudes are kings.
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• On Mondays when she calls don't receive it at first & tell her i have been to mandir. On Sundays when tell her you are teaching poor orphans for free. During booze-nights with other Dudes tell her that parents are not in town so you need to cook your own food so cant chat with her that night.
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• Do whatever to impress or trap her but never tell her that you are writing CVRCE DIARY. Tom has tested & proved it several times. He has received the highest number of Report Abuse clicks in CVRCE History for that very reason. Chicks hate CVRCE Diary Khabris.
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• Do show some fake concerns about her puppy's health & also ask her to mail you her Puppie’s Photos.
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• Chokeslam your roomie when she arrives in your room and just give her a casual smile when she just sees you doing this
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• Add pictures of you with babies, cats and puppies in your Facebook and Orkut accounts. It will assure you huge number of 'likes' and comments from chicks.
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• Create and rehearse an "Epic Tragic Romantic Backstory" of yours. Say how you had a girlfriend and how she left you stranded. How you were stranded and how you vowed that you will never enter another relationship. It works. It seems like a challenge to her.
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• Always praise Paulo Coelho & Erich Segal in front of her. You can fake it by hitting the like button under all her status updates. Also act like you like The Twilight movies.
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• Send her free cows in Farmville.Every time she logs on her page she must see an unhappy cow or duckling or donkey for her farm.